Identity
by loveadubdub
Summary: She thinks of herself as Katie&Emily. Or at least she has until recently. But Katie&Emily started becoming Katie and Emily a couple of years ago. Now it’s more like…. Katie. Emily. Not even an and.


**IDENTITY**

* * *

She's Katie fucking Fitch.

It's become sort of a joke now. It got out, and everyone loves to say it whenever they're teasing her or having a laugh. They aren't making fun of her, not really. But it's amusing, even she'll admit it.

It's funny. She hasn't often thought of herself as Katie Fitch- much less Katie _fucking _Fitch. Usually, she thinks of herself as Katie&Emily. Or at least she has until recently. But Katie&Emily started becoming Katie and Emily a couple of years ago. Now it's more like…. Katie. Emily.

Not even an and.

It happens, she knows. People grow up, and they grow apart. Friends ditch you, parents fuck you up, and sisters turn into lesbians. Or Emily didn't _turn _into a lesbian, she supposes. She says she's always been a lesbian, she just hasn't been out with it. Katie still doesn't know if she believes all that, but who is she to say anything about anything? She certainly isn't someone who should be doling out relationship advice.

She's always had a boyfriend. Ever since primary. She doesn't really know how to exist without a boyfriend, so when she suddenly finds herself without one, she's pretty lost. She dumped him, by the way. He sure the fuck didn't dump her. She's dumped guys before, loads of times. It's just that usually she has another one lined up to take over. She hasn't got that now. She hasn't got anyone lined up, and she doesn't really think she wants anyone.

Boys fuck you up.

They're idiots, really. And the whole lot of them are stupid and immature and just overall pretty prickish. They aren't good for much of anything except a shag, and honestly, most of them aren't even good at that. She doesn't really know why she's so dependent on them, but that's how she makes her identity. That's who she is. That's the Katie of Katie&Emily. Katie's the crazy one, the loud one, the slightly slutty one. &Emily is the logical one, the quiet one, the as far from slaggish as you can _get _one. But &Emily doesn't really exist anymore.

_Emily _is not too quiet anymore. _Emily _is outspoken and opinionated. _Emily _is in a real relationship and probably does all sorts of dirty, slutty things with her girlfriend. _Emily _follows no one now. _Emily _is her own person.

_Katie _wishes she knew how to be.

She wishes she were more like her sister now. She's never wished that before. She's always liked being the leader and the popular one. She's liked being older and having her name first. Now she doesn't even know _what_ she likes.

She wants to tell Emily all this, but it's hard. Emily's her best friend, and they've been together forever. They're not supposed to have secrets. They should tell each other _everything _because that's what twins do. Or at least it's what they're supposed to do. But lately, she just feels separate. She feels like there's a gigantic gap between Emily and herself, and she doesn't know how to change it.

So she talks to other people. To Thomas. And Panda. Sometimes even to Naomi. She even talks to Effy. Effy nearly killed her. But at least she understands what it's like to be on the outside when you should be in the center. Emily doesn't get that.

Their family is falling apart. They're homeless. Who the fuck is seriously _homeless? _She started filling out Uni applications and stopped because she doesn't have an address to put on the form. That's not supposed to happen to normal people. It's only supposed to happen to scraggly alcoholics who refuse to get off their arse and get a job when their benefits eventually run dry. Her parents have always worked- both of them. They've never been _rich, _but they've always had plenty, always had nice things. She doesn't know any different. She certainly doesn't know how to deal with suddenly having _nothing._

Emily's around more now at least. She isn't thrilled with the situation, and things are far from okay between her and their mum, but at least she's there. Katie is thankful for that. She needs her sister around because at least it gives her someone to bounce the crazy off of. James is alright to a certain extent, but he's just a kid. A bit of a strange one at that. He doesn't understand the way Em does.

Emily's back to being a Fitch.

But at the end of the day, Emily is not Katie, and Katie is not Emily. They are not the same person, no matter how similar they look in appearance. They are two different people with two different personalities and two different sets of interests. They look alike, and they have a lot of the same friends. But that's it. The similarities end there. Everything else about them is completely different.

The major difference, though, is that Emily knows exactly who she is.

Katie, though, hasn't got a clue.

She's Katie fucking Fitch, of course, but who the fuck is that?

* * *

A/N: Love Katie.


End file.
